BBC spokesperson, Tabitha Hope (8), wept uncontrollably before a packed press conference in London, yesterday, as she insisted that the BBC’s coverage of the Scottish independence referendum had “not been meant to manipulate anyone.”
“The BBC is a publicly-funded national broadcaster,” said Hope between deep, gulping sobs. “And to accuse us of being biased is really horrible.”
Added Hope: “Especially just a week after my mummy was diagnosed with cancer.”
The doe-eyed spokesperson, her slender shoulders shaking as grief wracked her tiny frame, went on to condemn the “meanies” on social media and in international journalism, who have been quick to point out the corporation’s one-sided coverage of the referendum.
Miss Hope, whose four-month-old puppy, Scraps, was recently crushed beneath the wheels of a car being driven by SNP Deputy Leader, Nicola Sturgeon, after she allegedly “swerved to hit it on purpose,” went on to add that she’d been crying herself to sleep due to all the nasty things people had been saying about the BBC, which were “definitely not true, OK?”
Clutching a teddy bear and with eyes brimming with big, salty tears, Hope added: “I wish my daddy were still alive.”