Bradford Atheist Finds Christ

Bob Spencer, a self-confessed atheist from West Yorkshire who has “never been to church, never read the Bible, and never believed in the afterlife” shocked friends and family last week by claiming to have found Jesus.

Mr Spencer (72) was clearing out his garden shed last Wednesday, when he is alleged to have discovered the son of God cowering below a large sheet of tarpaulin the pensioner uses to cover his daughter’s car during periods of hard frost.

“I couldn’t believe it at first,” Spencer told gathered reporters outside his Bradford home. “I pulled back the sheet thinking I’d find some of my old tools or the lawnmower under there, and instead I came face to face with Jesus.

“He was sitting there looking confused and a bit frightened,” Spencer continued, “but I could tell right away it was him. He looked exactly like he does in the pictures, right down to the halo.”

Although Jesus initially seemed timid and distressed, Spencer eventually managed to coax him out from the back of the shed with a Twix, which he claims the Lord thy God devoured “as if he hadn’t eaten in weeks.”

STUNNED

The stunned pensioner then hurriedly went back into the house to fetch Anne, his wife of forty seven years, but when they returned to the shed armed with blankets and a packet of digestive biscuits, Jesus was nowhere to be found.

“I was only inside the house for six or seven minutes, but when we came out he’d somehow disappeared,” Mr Spencer recalled. “I’ve thought long and hard, but can come up with no explanation for how he could have just vanished into thin air like that.”

Added the OAP: “It’s a miracle, I suppose.”

Spencer believes Jesus must have gained access to the shed by prising open some loose boards at the back and squeezing through the resulting gap. As he hadn’t been inside the shed in several months until Wednesday, Bob has no way of knowing how long Christ may have been living there.

When asked if his brush with the Lord would encourage him to start attending church, Bob replied: “No.”

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