Calais Migrants “May be Harbouring Hitler,” Warn Tories

Refugees being held in a camp in the French port of Calais while they await relocation could be harbouring former leader of Nazi Germany, Adolf Hitler, a senior government minister has warned.

Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs, Philip Hammond, issued the warning as pressure continues to mount for the government to increase the number of refugees it plans to allow to settle in the UK.

There has been speculation in some quarters that a small percentage of the refugees – many of them young men – could be members of terrorist group, ISIS, but this is the first suggestion that the camp might also be home to the former German Führer, who was previously believed to have taken his own life in April 1945.

Intelligence reports suggest that Hitler, who would now be 126 years old, may have infiltrated a group of refugees as they crossed the Hungarian border in mid-August. Once in the French camp, Mr Hammond believes it would only be a matter of time before Hitler began to turn disenfranchised Syrian migrants to his cause, and begin the rebuilding of his Third Reich.

GENOCIDAL

“Look, I’m not saying Adolf Hitler has definitely ingratiated himself with the migrants in Calais,” Mr Hammond told us. “I’m just saying he might have done. And so while I, David Cameron and the rest of the Conservative Party share the public’s concern over the current refugee crisis, we can’t in good faith risk bringing a genocidal war criminal and his National Socialist ideology into the country.”

Added Hammond: “And he’s probably shaved his moustache by now, so we might not even recognise him if we saw him.”

In order to minimise the risk of the ageing Nazi leader reaching UK shores, the Conservatives have tabled a motion before the European Parliament which, if successful, will see the entire Nord-Pas-de-Calais region of France repeatedly carpet-bombed by a squadron of MQ-9 Reaper aircraft. Then set on fire.

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