“Come in Houston” – New Bond Actor Revealed

Producers of the James Bond movie franchise have today revealed who will take over the iconic role when current actor, Daniel Craig, steps down. At a press conference outside MI5 offices in London, a spokesperson for Eon Productions announced that the role would go to pop icon, Whitney Houston, who died in 2012.

The announcement comes as a surprise to fans of both the singer and the film franchise, who have described the decision as “baffling”, “deeply upsetting” and “impossible to implement”.

During the press conference, Eon producer, Barbara Broccoli, explained the reasons behind the decision.

“It’s no secret that the world has been crying out for a non-Caucasian Bond,” she said. “While Idris Elba had been tipped to be the first black Bond, we also had to take into account that many Bond fans have also long been hoping too see a female actor in the role, so we decided to kill two birds with one stone.”

Continued Ms Broccoli: “And from there the ball just wouldn’t stop rolling,  until we reached the natural conclusion that even death – the great taboo of our age – should not be a barrier for any decent actor who wants to fill the role.”

DALTON

Ms Broccoli – daughter of the franchise’s original producer – went on to explain that following a stunt on the set of The Living Daylights, actor Timothy Dalton was clinically dead for two entire scenes before anyone noticed, proving death was no barrier when it came to the part.

Houston becomes the first dead, black, female non-British actor to don the famous tuxedo in 53 years, and will be the seventh actor to play Bond in the franchise. The issue of Ms Houston’s not being alive to be filmed will be tackled with the latest production technology, with scenes involving the ‘How Will I Know?’ singer being pieced together from pop videos and the exciting bit from The Bodyguard.

As yet, Eon has refused to confirm if Houston will sing the theme tune to the next instalment in the franchise. If she does, this would make the troubled star the first actor to both appear in and sing the theme tune to a Bond film, earning her yet another place in the history books.

The movie – the 25th in the series – has the working title ‘I Will Always Love…To Kill’ and is due for release in November 2017. It will also star Thor actor, Chris Hemsworth, as a villain known only as ‘Gavin’.

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