Corbyn “Will Staff NHS with Cats” Warns Blair

Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has warned that if Jeremy Corbyn is successful in his bid for the position of Labour leader, he will set out plans to replace all front line NHS staff with cats.

Blair’s stark warning comes after a recent opinion poll suggested Mr Corbyn’s lead over rival candidates has increased, with the 66-year old MP for Islington North now odds-on favourite to win the race.

“Look, Jeremy is a nice guy,” said Mr Blair. “But not only are many of his policies far too left-wing for most voters, he also intends to replace all NHS staff with untrained cats, which – frankly – would be a disastrous policy to implement.”

Added Blair: “I mean, how could a cat hold a scalpel? With its little paws? It couldn’t, could it?”

The NHS currently employs some 1.3 million members of staff across the UK. Even taking into account redundancy payments, the savings to the NHS made by replacing all staff with cats would be considerable – but fellow Labour leadership candidate, Yvette Cooper, was still quick to slam the idea.

MOTHER

“As a mother, it gives me great peace of mind to know that our highly trained doctors and nurses are on hand should my children need them,” she said. “Were all those doctors and nurses to be removed from their posts and replaced by several hundred thousand cats, I’m not sure I’d be as confident.”

“Jeremy has run a good campaign, but let’s be realistic,” concluded Mr Blair, who once plunged the country into an illegal war that resulted in the deaths of almost two hundred British soldiers. “A vote for Jeremy Corbyn will not only guarantee another Tory government in 2020, but will raise a real possibility of our vital National Health Service being maintained entirely by cats. And probably weird-looking foreign ones at that.”

When we approached Mr Corbyn to ask if he planned to replace all front line members of NHS staff with cats, he replied: “No.”

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