A team of senior medical researchers from the Rowett Institute in Aberdeen claims to have discovered a cure for Alzheimer’s Disease, although they can’t at this precise moment remember where they put it.
The most common form of dementia, Alzheimer’s affects around ten million people worldwide and is most often found in those over the age of 65. Symptoms range from occasional forgetfulness to complete loss of memory, mobility and the ability to communicate. Although detailed and thorough research into the condition has been carried out over a number of years, no cure has ever been found, which is why the breakthrough by the Rowett Institute is considered so significant.
Dr Alfred Simm (67), head of the research team who finally devised the cure for the condition said his team had worked “exceptionally hard over the past few…um… Oh you know, those things. Like months, but longer,” and that they will be enjoying a well earned rest once they manage to recall precisely where the details of the cure are located.
“We’re delighted to have been able to exchange notes with some of the best medical minds in the world while carrying out our own research into this terrible affliction,” Dr Simm told us. “In fact were it not for some of the others involved in the work across the globe along the lines of what we at the, at the… the institute work on, or rather have been working on over… and during the time since we first, since we first discussed the possibility of discussing further some, in fact many if not all aspects of, of…”
A visibly distressed Simm added: “I’m sorry, what was I saying?”
Dr Murray Cummings (65), who has worked with Dr Simm in medical research for over forty years, hailed the project’s leader as “an inspiration,” telling colleagues that the cure would never have been devised had it not been for Simm’s guidance and input.
“Alfred has been an inspiration during our time working on the project, and without him we’d never have found the cure for this horrible and debilitating condition, which I’m pretty sure has to be around here somewhere,” Cummings announced, patting the pockets of his laboratory coat. “We only sat it down for a minute, so it can’t have gone far.”
Continued Cummings: “Did I mention Dr Simm? He’s been an inspiration during our time working on the project, and without him we’d never have found the cure for this horrible and debilitating condition.”
A full scale search of the institute is currently underway, and the team are confident they’ll find their notes on the cure before they are due to present them to the British Medical Association at “what’s that one called again – when the big hand’s at the top and the little hand’s at the bottom?” tomorrow evening.
When asked what he thought the cure would mean to the millions of people affected by the condition, senior research team member and world renowned dementia expert, Dr Benjamin Jacob (72), replied “Czechoslovakia”.