George Osborne’s Shock Over Ancestor Revelations

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has spoken of his surprise at discovering his direct ancestral ties with Mumm-Ra the Ever Living – a malevolent sorcerer bound into the servitude of the Ancient Spirits of Evil – while filming for an upcoming episode of BBC One’s Who Do You Think You Are?

Viewers will see Mr Osborne, 44, use official records and anecdotal evidence to get a better insight into the early lives of his parents and grandparents, before stumbling upon the shocking truth about his great-great-great-grandfather on his father’s side.

The series’ narrator, Cherie Lunghi, has promised “a real show-stopping moment” when Mr Osborne discovers his connection with Mumm-Ra, the self-proclaimed ever-living source of all evil in the universe. According to records the show’s researchers unearthed, Mumm-Ra – most noted for spreading darkness and horror across the realms of Third Earth for countless millennia – sired a number of children with his many female captives, most of which he immediately devoured.

FREEDOM

Thanks to the actions of a small group of unnamed freedom fighters, however, one of the infants escaped the clutches of the demon sorcerer, and went on to father Mr Osborne’s great-great-grandmother, Eleanor, in the spring of 1848.

“It really took me aback,” said Mr Osborne, recalling the moment he discovered his blood ties to the undead master of treachery and deception. “I thought perhaps he’d be a member of the aristocracy, possibly with a close relationship to the royal family of the day. I definitely did not anticipate him being a powerful necromancer and living conduit for the forces of darkness.”

Recently appointed leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn, however, said he “isn’t surprised in the slightest,” by the revelations.

Thanks to Mumm-Ra’s immortality, Mr Osborne hopes to arrange a meeting with his great-great-great-grandfather at Downing Street, where it is expected he will encourage the malevolent demon-lord to stand as the Conservative Party candidate in an upcoming council by-election.

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