In a statement issued today, Better Together leader, Alastair Darling, has warned that in the event of a Yes vote in next week’s independence referendum, Scotland would not be allowed to continue to use Boolean Algebra, the mathematical theory first proposed by English-born mathematician and philosopher, George Boole, in 1854.
Introduced in one of Boole’s most respected published works, An Investigation of the Laws of Thought, Boolean Algebra is a mathematical language concerned almost exclusively with the rules of logic, and forms the basis of modern-day digital technology, as well as being an integral component of set-theory and statistics.
At a busy international press conference held in Glasgow’s George Square, Darling made it clear that as Boole was born and raised in England, and developed his theory exclusively within England’s borders, an independent Scotland “could lay no claim, and would have no inherent right to use Boolean Algebra, even if Alex Salmond says we can.”
With less than a week until the vote, the announcement comes as a major blow to the Yes campaign. As Boolean Algebra forms the entire basis of electronics, Better Together campaigners have suggested that an independent Scotland would become a “technological black hole” without power, communications, or even access to fresh running water, which they point out “is probably run by electricity somewhere along the way”.
British Prime Minster, David Cameron, agrees with Mr Darling, going so far as to say that in the event of a Yes vote, Scotland would become a “howling, desolate wasteland”, be “consumed by darkness” and “unable to watch Doctor Who.”
Scottish First Minister, Alex Salmond, was quick to hit back at the claims, saying: “Even if what Better Together says is true and an independent Scotland is unable to make use of Boolean Algebra, we would still be able to use the closely-related Propositional calculus, which was first defined in the 3rd Century BC by Greek philosopher, Chrysippus of Soli.”
Mr Salmond later added that if Westminster refuses to allow Scotland the use of Boole’s mathematical theorum, a newly-elected Scottish government would “have no choice but to withdraw English usage of lighthouses, trains, telephones, penicillin, refrigerators, flushing toilets, television and Sherlock Holmes” – a statement Alistair Darling has branded “selfish.”