ISIS Terrorists Plot Attack on White House Exhaust Port

Islamis State (ISIS) terrorists on the border between Iraq and Syria began drawing up plans for a full scale assault on the White House yesterday, following intelligence reports of a weak spot in the building’s construction.

The vulnerability is said to lie in a previously undetected thermal exhaust port, which ISIS spies insist is large enough to be targeted by a “single, carefully aimed torpedo”.

“The White House is too well defended for a full frontal attack,” radical fundamentalist Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi reportedly told a loyal band of supporters at their concealed Syrian base. “But we believe a small group of fighters could penetrate the outer defences on foot, and get close enough to fire a portable missile at the exposed exhaust port.”

Bakr al-Baghdadi, who was released by the US into Iraqi custody in 2009, believes that a missile entering the exhaust port would start a chain reaction of explosions, which would quickly progress to the White House core reactor, causing it to detonate.


When one of the men present announced that he thought the size of the exhaust port made it an impossible target to hit, Al Alfayr, a former al-Qaeda fighter who defected to ISIS earlier this year, assured him that this was not the case, and that Alfayr and his friends had “bombed Shiite Muslims not much bigger than that back home.”

Alfayr’s reassurances were not enough to convince some of the terrorists, however, with one man reported to have said that despite his unwavering belief that Allah would guide his hand against their sworn enemies in the west, he nevertheless had “a bad feeling about this”.

The White House has been placed on full scale alert in the wake of news of the impending attack, and President Obama himself is said to be “readying his own craft” in order to personally deal with any rogue fighters who succeed in making it past his outer defences.

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