Following the party’s disastrous results at this year’s General Election, the status of the Liberal Democrat party has been downgraded from ‘political organisation’ to ‘social club’.
A spokesperson for the Electoral Commission announced the decision at a poorly-attended press conference this morning, and declared that the former party’s new status would come into effect immediately.
The move follows the Lib Dem’s loss of almost 50 seats in the March election, leaving them with just 8 MPs nationwide, and a share of the vote half that of right-wing rivals, UKIP.
“Obviously, it’s disappointing news,” said club chairman, Tim Farron,”but we in the Liberal Democrat Friendship Club are a hardy bunch, and each and every member of the club got together last night in a moderately-sized living room to make plans for the future.
“These are exciting times. Who cares if just last year we were in government? Not me!” added Mr Farron, before laughing loudly, then staring into empty space for almost a full minute.
In the minutes of the meeting – studiously hand-written by former leader, Nick Clegg, in a notebook he bought specially – the club lays out a raft of proposed legislation, including securing a meeting room in Milnthorpe Community Centre, and organising a ‘lads weekend’ to Butlins in Skegness.
While the club will no longer have spokesmen for health, education or home affairs, Mr Farron, 45, has appointed new roles to several members. Former Scottish Secretary, Alistair Carmichael, will now be in charge of securing biscuits for the club’s monthly meetings, while Southport MP, John Pugh, has been appointed Secretary of State for Remembering to Bring Some Milk.
The Liberal Democrat Friendship Club also announced that it would soon be launching a crowdfunding campaign in order to raise funds to buy a minibus which could be used for club outings and, in rare instances, parliamentary business.