US space agency, NASA, has once more built up the hopes of the entire world, only to cruelly dash them at a press conference this afternoon. After promising a ‘major announcement’ at its ‘Mars Mystery Solved’ event, speculation was rife on social media that the agency may be on the brink of revealing that the human race is not alone in the universe.
Instead, a spokesperson for NASA used 3D computer generated imagery to reveal that there might be some water on a distant hilltop, but was quick to add that they couldn’t be certain, so no-one should get too carried away.
Assembled members of the press – many of whom had traveled halfway across the globe to attend the lavish conference – reacted angrily to the news.
“Holy shit, they did it again,” said one North American reporter, who had spent 17 hours traveling by bus in order to attend the much-hyped event. “They got us all worked up hinting about aliens, then they showed us a drawing of some lines on a fucking mountain.”
Added the journalist: “Aaargh! Every fucking time!”
Others in attendance were also less than impressed. BBC Science Editor, David Shukman, expressed his disappointment following the announcement. “Water? That’s it? Didn’t we already know there was water on Mars? I’m pretty sure they covered that in the last three ‘major announcements’.”
Despite the protests, NASA scientists insisted their latest findings were significant, but were quickly shouted down by several Australian journalists, who banded together to chorus, “Bullshit,” from the auditorium’s back row.
“They do this every goddamn time,” sighed the Washington Post’s Rachel Feltman, who missed a family birthday party to attend the conference. “They tease that they’ve found alien life, then they show us an artist’s impression of, like, literally a trickle of water in the middle distance, or a black and white photograph of a rock or something.”
Added Feltman: “I mean, Jesus Christ, have they never heard of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? One day they’re going to try to warn us aliens are coming to eat all our children, and we’re not going to listen to a single word those assholes say.”