“Sums Not Really My Strong Point!” laughs Boris Johnson

Leader of the EU Referendum Leave campaign, Boris Johnson, has admitted in a speech this morning that much of the information given out during the campaign was “wildly inaccurate,” claiming, “sums were never really my strong point!”

Mr Johnson, who is hotly-tipped to replace David Cameron as Prime Minister, explained that, contrary to what he and his team claimed during the campaign period, £350 million a week will “very much not” now be spent on building more hospitals.

borissmall“No. Definitely not,” said Mr Johnson, mugging ludicrously to gathered members of the media. “I mean, I’d love to, obviously. But it’s not going to happen.”

When pressed for details as to why he had no plans to follow through with his pledges, Mr Johnson (52), began to respond, before slipping on a carefully-placed banana skin and disappearing behind the podium. The former Mayor of London then dragged himself back into a standing position, his unkempt blonde locks covering his eyes, his face fixed in an expression of comical bemusement.

Despite Mr Johnson’s trademark tomfoolery, several journalists insisted he answer the question. Mr Johnson gave an exaggerated shrug, said, “look, it’s all very complicated,” then proceeded to pick up a long plank of wood and turn in unexpected directions with it, forcing everyone around to duck as the plank whistled past just inches above their heads several times in quick succession.

Mr Johnson is due to be interviewed by Andrew Marr later this afternoon, but is expected to instead go whizzing past the BBC studio on roller skates, while frantically flailing his arms.

Get More of this Stuff
Join the NewsThing newsletter today

Enjoying our no-nonsense, hard-hitting investigative journalism here on NewsThing? Then stick in your details and get the weekly newsletter from the UK's newest and fastest-growing news satire site. Ensure you never miss another story again, and get to read the occasional exclusive not available on the site.

If you've read this far, you've missed the bit where you put in your details. Move your eyes about half an inch up the page.

Start spreading the news...Share on Google+0Share on LinkedIn0Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Tumblr0Pin on Pinterest0Share on Facebook11

Leave a Reply

*