The Sun Vows to Get Behind Whichever Way Wind is Blowing

British tabloid newspaper, The Sun, has today pledged to give its full backing and support to whatever appears to be popular at any given moment in time.

The front page of today’s edition of the Rupert Murdoch owned paper sets out the tabloid’s commitment to throwing its weight behind whichever cause or opinion it looks like the majority of its 1.8 million readers might currently be leaning towards.

“Make no mistake about it, the Sun is taking a stand!” said the article, which was written by the newspaper’s current editor, Tony Gallagher. “Although the exact nature of that stand is not entirely clear as yet, and will be based entirely on what we think will stop our readers leaving us in their droves.”

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The article went on to explain that the newspaper’s “firm beliefs” could, and almost certainly would, be liable to change drastically from week to week, with complete about-turns likely depending on which way the winds of public opinion happened to be blowing.

“The Sun is the UK’s most popular daily newspaper, and we’ll print, say or do literally anything to keep it that way,” Mr Gallagher told us in an interview earlier today. “If we think our readers want to help migrants, we’ll do a front page about helping migrants. If we think they’d rather have all migrants everywhere set on fire and thrown in a ditch, we’ll be there with the matches. Literally, we’ll get passionately behind anything at all, no matter how contradictory it may be to everything else we’ve ever printed. We’ll flim-flam back and forth on an hourly basis if we have to.”

Added Gallagher: “Hell, I’d do a centre spread of me tossing off an angry bear if I thought that’s what enough people wanted to see.”

Tomorrow’s front page of the Sun on Sunday is expected to see the newspaper giving its full support to Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, before calling for his death by hanging in an edition to be published later that same afternoon.

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