Gozer the Destructor, a malignant supernatural being first worshipped by the Mesopotamians in 6000BC, has given his stamp of approval to Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, bolstering the billionaire’s hopes of winning the party’s backing.
The Destructor, who also goes by the names Gozer the Gozerian and Gozer the Traveller, communicated his endorsement by means of a two-hundred metre pillar of fire in the sky and a voice which rolled like thunder across all the lands and oceans of the Earth.
“Trump’s no-nonsense policies and willingness to do whatever it takes are just what the inhabitants of this inconsequential realm need,” said Gozer, who was banished from the Earth by the goddess Tiamat four thousand years before the birth of Christ. “And I have no hesitation in giving him the full backing of I, Gozer the Gozerian, Lord Of The Sebouillia.”
Added Gozer: “Cower before the might of the Destructor!”
Mr Trump is said to be “delighted” with the recommendation. Although a spokesperson for the tycoon insists no deal has yet been done, if Mr Trump is successful in his bid for the White House it is likely he will offer a full Presidential pardon to Gozer the Destructor, and his trusted lieutenants, Vinz Clortho the Keymaster, and Zuul the Gatekeeper, thus granting them free reign to murder or enslave all life on Earth.