Trump: Uppercase Spelling Law Will Make AMERICA Great Again

Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump, has announced that his first task should he win the 2016 US election will be to pass a law making it a criminal offence to write the word ‘America’ in anything other than block capital letters.

The law – already being dubbed by critics as ‘the Trumped Up Bill’ – will apply to any combination of the words ‘United’, ‘States’ and ‘America’, with capitalisation of the word ‘of’ expected to be optional. Trump (69) believes that the existing combination of upper and lower case lettering is one of the key factors in what he calls the country’s “loss of greatness.”

“For too long people have been able to write AMERICA any damn way they please,” Mr Trump told gathered reporters at a New York press conference earlier today. “Seriously, you could even put the A in lowercase and a goddamned smiley face above the I if you wanted, without fear of retribution.”

Added Trump: “And so today I make a promise to the people of this great nation: No more.”

TREASON

The presidential hopeful will seek to enshrine the law in a US Constitutional amendment, and plans to push for failure to comply with the bill to be a treasonable offence, making it punishable by the death penalty in several states.

The bill is expected to apply to both printed and handwritten instances of the words, with the writing of the country’s name in joined-up ‘cursive’ handwriting particularly frowned upon.

Should the bill be successful, it will also preclude the word ‘America’ being written in anything other than sombre black or dark blue ink, limit the range of typefaces which can be used to three pre-approved fonts and recommend the use of bold type.

Going forward, Mr Trump has already tabled plans that, if implemented, will see the names of other countries worldwide written in lowercase Comic Sans in all US-based publications – a move the billionaire tycoon believes will “put those jumped-up foreign assholes back in their place.”

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