London Mayor, Boris Johnson, has spoken of his disgust at Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyn, who has point-blank refused to have full sexual intercourse with a pig.
Mr Corbyn, who has sparked criticism recently for his refusal to sing the national anthem and his failure to show up to the opening of the rugby world cup, has now come under heavy fire from the Tory party for his unwillingness to insert his penis into the cadaver of a dead swine.
“The national anthem and the rugger were one thing,” said Boris Johnson, “but having full penetrative sex with the lifeless torso of a good old-fashioned British Saddleback hog is one of the things that makes this country great. So for Jeremy to refuse is, in my eyes and the eyes of many of my Conservative party colleagues, tantamount to treason.”
Added Johnson: “But worse.”
Mr Johnson’s anger was echoed by Prime Minister, David Cameron, who claimed the left-wing Corbyn was “Hell bent” on destroying “the traditions upon which Britain was built.”
“People fought and died for this great nation of ours,” said Mr Cameron. “Good people. Honest men and women, who did their bit for Queen and country.
“So for the leader of the Labour Party to disgrace their memory by not sliding his erect shaft into the cold, dry orifices of a deceased pig is an outrage.”
Many within Mr Corbyn’s own party have also condemned his decision, stating that while not having sex with a pig is acceptable behaviour for an MP, as leader Mr Corbyn should be prepared to “rise to any occasion.”
While Mr Corbyn has this morning reiterated his statement that there were no circumstances whatsoever which would see him having sexual intercourse with a pig, as a gesture of respect to the nation’s fallen servicemen and women he has said he would be prepared to finger an owl, as long as no-one’s watching.