X-Factor’s Walsh Mauled by Fucking Huge Bear

TV talent judge, Louis Walsh, is fighting for his life this evening, after a 900lb grizzly bear got into the X-Factor studio and carried out what eye-witnesses describe as a “brutal and sustained attack” on the 62-year-old Irishman.

Walsh, who was taking part in early rehearsals for the series’ upcoming live shows, is said to have been joking around with former Spice Girls singer, Melanie Brown, when the fucking huge bear burst through a studio door and fell upon him, ripping and tearing at his flesh with its claws and teeth.

Fellow judge, Cheryl Cole, who witnessed the incident, is said to have screamed “get it off him, get it off him” over and over again as the North American grizzly embarked on a prolonged and harrowing attack on the utterly defenceless Walsh.

MERCILESS

A bear yesterday
A bear yesterday

Security staff from ITV and Syco Entertainment quickly acted to drive the bear off the fallen judge, who has been a part of the show since its first broadcast in 2004. Despite their best efforts, the animal refused to let up in its merciless mutilation of the former Westlife manager, who was forced to endure the furious assault for almost eighteen minutes before a police animal control unit arrived and were able to subdue it.

Walsh was immediately rushed by ambulance to Royal London Hospital, where he required a blood transfusion and an astonishing six-hundred-and-eleven stitches to his face and torso. A limb – believed to be an arm – is said to have been reattached after it was gnawed off during the bear’s attack.

Mr Walsh’s condition has been described by doctors as “stable”, although a hospital spokesman said the bear’s relentless assault had resulted in the Irish-born star losing an ear. And both eyes.

It is not yet clear as to how a fucking huge bear got into the ITV studio, or why it singled Walsh out for attack. Show boss, Simon Cowell – who had left the studio just moments before after remembering he’d left the iron on – has pledged to carry out a full investigation.

Mr Walsh himself was unavailable for comment, having just been mauled by a fucking huge bear.

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